you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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