He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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