you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Randomize
