Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
