its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize