thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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