Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
