Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
