It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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