i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
