I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
