A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You ate ashes out of my bong
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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