I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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