Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
