His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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