just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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