So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
