your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
