oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
