He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
