At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Duck Duck Cougar?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
