just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
