Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
