Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
