Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
