theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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