My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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