Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
