So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
