The maid of honor just puked.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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