i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
