Apparently you make a good broom.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
