hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
