after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
