In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
