at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
