we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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