I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
