when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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