atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
