Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
