i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize