i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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