we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I want to be your penis for a week.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
