I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
