He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
