maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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