it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
