where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
