I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
