That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
