I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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