when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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