you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
