she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
