i think my tv is drunk
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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