Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
