I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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