My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
