He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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