I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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