Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My vagina is officially offended.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
