Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
no you cant smoke seaweed
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
