The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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