If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
