Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
