Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
