the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
two words: eviction party
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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