Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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