and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
