Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
