Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
