If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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